Gender Roles and Sexuality

Are women as valued as men in churches?

 Using masculine pronouns for groups that include both men and women makes the women invisible, in effect. It says they don’t matter enough to mention. Most importantly, it engraves this mistaken impression into us at an unconscious level where its effect is especially powerful because we’re not aware of it. 

That’s what also happens when we use only masculine words for God or use only masculine titles like Lord and King. Largely without realizing what is happening, we get the impression that God is male, which in effect says that being male is infinitely more valuable than being female. And this usage, especially when it is combined with seeing the man Jesus as uniquely divine, as so many Christians do, often contributes to believing that only men are entitled to represent God officially in the church, as some Christian denominations still claim.

We quote scriptures saying there is neither male nor female in Christ, but our churches’ actions often give a very different message. Women, like men, are made in God’s image, and about 60% of church members and more than 50% of the U.S. population are female, yet many Christians refuse to give women their rightful place in the church and the world. We’ve made progress, but we still have a long way to go. It’s time to discard traditions that put women down or make them invisible. It’s time for more Christians to wake up, to speak up, and to refuse to give up until the changes God is calling us to make have become a reality.

Fortunately, some aspects of how women are treated— especially women in generations younger than mine—have improved in recent years, but I find that most of what I wrote years ago still applies. It applies especially in the church, and it applies especially to how we talk about God.

I’m not a guy! (and I don’t think God is . . . ) 

I’m very often called a guy nowadays, and that bothers me because “guy” is a masculine word and I’m not male. Many people apparently think that calling women guys doesn’t matter. Some of the people to whom I say “I’m not a guy” insist that “guys” applies to everyone. That’s the same claim that we heard in the church and elsewhere for years, about using only masculine pronouns to refer to everyone from God all the way down. That claim has come—and unfortunately still comes—not just from many men but also from some women, and it’s wrong.

For some reason, where I’m most often called a guy is in restaurants. “Where would you guys like to sit?” a host or hostess often asks when customers enter the restaurant, even when some or all of the group of customers are female. Then at the table, a server asks, “What would you guys like to drink?” And then “Are you guys ready to order?” And later, “Do you guys need anything else?” or “Would you guys like to see the dessert menu?” 

I almost dread going to one particular local restaurant, even though its food is excellent, because its owner, its hosts and hostesses, and most of its servers continually call me a guy when I’m there.

An astonished reaction 

Sometimes I speak up to a server who does this. “I’m not a guy,” I point out. But this usually brings merely an astonished look, as if I’d suddenly said something in a foreign language. At times, however, it makes the server go to the other extreme and start calling the women “ladies.” But I find that equally undesirable. “Ladies” connotes an outdated pattern of behavior that sees women as sweet, fragile, vulnerable, incompetent creatures who should wear ruffles and pastels and be shielded from life.

What our words imply.

Many people now realize that using “he” and other masculine pronouns to refer to women is inappropriate, but that same realization about the word “guy” apparently hasn’t yet dawned very widely. Calling everyone a guy is mainly a current habit, I realize, but it’s harmful. It’s also unnecessary. Why not just say “you” instead of “you guys” or “you ladies”? Why can’t waiters say, “Where would you like to sit?” “Are you ready to order?” “Do you need anything else?” That seems so simple, and it would be so much kinder. It would acknowledge that women exist and that they’re just as capable and valuable as men.