How Differences in Personality Affect Spirituality and Worship Style

All spirituality isn’t the same

Responses to the July and August Connections, about Jesus talk and Jesus pictures, have reminded me of how different people are, even when they’re Christians.

One reader said I must have been desperate for a topic, to come up with one so pointless. A few said in effect that my comments had shown that I wasn’t a real Christian. But many other responses were very different from those. “I think you’re right on target,” one wrote. “I’m with you concerning the pictures of Jesus,” wrote another. “They don’t do anything for me. In fact, to the contrary.”

What reaches some turns others off

Another Christian reader acknowledged that some people need a concrete, personalized view of Jesus, while others—“like me,” she said, “and apparently like you”—do much better with a more abstract view. When she realized this several years ago, she told me, “I was relieved to know that I wasn’t a heretic.” She worries, however, as I do, about the fact that when we express the gospel only in the way that seems essential to some Christians we drive other Christians off.

Different Christians experience and express their spirituality in different ways, and in dealing with each other and planning church programs we need to take that into account.

For as in one body we have many members, and not all the members have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually we are members of one another. We have gifts that differ...

—Romans 12:4-6

Important implications for our churches

Steve Langford is a United Methodist pastor who has been investigating the different ways in which Christians experience and express their spirituality. Like other observers, Steve finds, that these differences have crucially important implications for our choices of what kinds of worship, ministry, and prayer we offer in our churches.

Steve hasn’t just investigated, however. He has developed some helpful ways of making pastors and lay members aware of the differences. He has also designed some worship services and other church programs that take the differences into account and thus help more people discover their spirituality.

A welcome discovery

For people whose spirituality doesn’t match the spiritual expressions that are most common in churches, that discovery can be life-changing. It can let people see for the first time that instead of being hopelessly unspiritual as they may have feared they were, their spirituality is simply different from the spirituality reflected in the worship and other church activities they’ve seen. Steve Langford saw how important this discovery was for some formerly reluctant church attenders when they came back to town early from family Spring Break trips in order to avoid missing any part of the series he was presenting about spirituality!

Steve’s presentations are largely based on the work of Corinne Ware, a therapist and pastoral counselor. She describes her findings in Discover Your Spiritual Type: A Guide to Individual and Congregational Growth (Alban Institute, 1995).

Ware finds that many people who are dissatisfied with their faith experience feel that they don’t fit in their worship group. “These are often deeply religious people,” Ware assures us, “and their distress is genuine.” And it isn’t just a result of immaturity. “Much of the distress,” she observes, “comes out of a deep inner sense that natural tendencies are either being violated by present worship patterns or simply not being allowed expression by those practices.”

Ware describes four kinds of spirituality, and Langford uses illustrations from the Bible and Christian history to show how Christians experience and express each of these kinds of spirituality. As with other ways of categorizing people, few of us fit completely into any one of these categories, but they can help us understand the differences we see in each other.

§  Lamplighters find God mainly through the mind. They emphasize knowing God, and they believe that God is knowable. They focus especially on ways in which God is revealed. Lamplighters tend to see truth as a key aspect of God’s nature.

Lamplighters often use formal language for their prayer. They’re likely to pray for knowledge and guidance. They see God revealed in scripture, sacraments, and Jesus Christ on the cross. They tend to prefer carefully planned worship that is carried out in an orderly way and that begins and ends at announced times. For many Lamplighters, ritual, music, and liturgy are important especially because they evoke memory and presence and teach traditional truths. Lamplighters tend to believe that God’s word, rightly proclaimed, is the centerpiece of worship. As biblical examples of Lamplighters, Steve Langford sees Paul, Mary at the feet of Jesus (Luke 10:39), and Jesus in his role as teacher and parable-giver.

§  Shepherders also see God mainly as revealed and knowable. However, unlike Lamplighters they experience God mainly through their heart and emotions, and they put strong emphasis on experiencing God rather than on knowing God. Joy is a key part of their spirituality.

Shepherders often prefer deeply moving, spontaneous worship services that aren’t restricted to a fixed length.

Spontaneous, heartfelt prayers are the most meaningful kind for shepherders. They want music to unite the congregation and give a feeling of warmth. Ritual and liturgy aren’t very important to them. Shepherders tend to speak of God’s being real in their lives, and of Christ’s living in their hearts. They come to church to learn to walk in holiness with the Lord, and many of them support missions, evangelism, and religious TV and radio. Some biblical examples of Shepherders, Steve finds, are Miriam, John, David, and Jesus as healer.

Mystics, as Langford describes them, notice mainly the aspects of God that are mysterious, all-encompassing, and beyond human comprehension. Like Shepherders, many experience God especially through the heart and emotions. Unlike Shepherders, however, mystics tend to emphasize communing with God, not just experiencing God.

Mystics are likely to prefer simple worship services that include times for silent reflection. For mystics a meaningful way to pray is to empty their minds of distractions and simply be in God’s presence. They often like quiet, simple music that helps the soul come to quietness and union with God. For mystics, God’s word is proclaimed when God’s Spirit speaks to the inward heart.

(Mystics may come to church to be one with the creator God. They often speak of God as a mystery that can be grasped for but never completely known. Ritual and liturgy are likely to be ways in which God becomes present to Mystics, and they often support spiritual direction, retreats, and liturgical reform. Some biblical examples of Mystics, Steve finds, are Anna (Luke 2), Moses, Isaiah, and Jesus when he withdrew to pray.

§  Crusaders, like Lamplighters, tend to experience God mainly through the mind. They see God as mystery revealed in Christ. Crusaders often express their spirituality through action aimed at r"\ i A promoting justice. They put great emphasis on doing God’s will in the world, and they are advocates who urge others to act.

Crusaders tend to give higher priority to ordering themselves for God’s service than to participating in worship services. They think it is important to gather whenever and for however long is needed to accomplish the tasks that God wants accomplished. Crusaders are likely to see their life and their work as their prayer. For worship they prefer music that inspires and motivates participants to greater dedication and effort. Many Crusaders believe that what we do is our “preaching” and speaks louder that anything we say. For Crusaders, ritual and liturgy are likely to be important mainly as ways to make statements about inner convictions. Crusaders often support political action aimed at establishing justice in institutions and in the whole society. As examples of Crusaders, Steve Langford suggests Deborah (Judges 4-5), John the Baptizer (Matthew 3), and Jesus when he cleansed the Temple (Matthew 21:12-13).

If you want to know more about how Steve Langford presents these spiritualities to pastors and lay churchgoers, you may contact him at First United Methodist Church in Round Rock, Texas, where he is Associate Pastor. His phone number, which I’m giving with his permission, Is 512-255-3336.

Congregations have different styles, too

As you consider which kind of spirituality you lean toward, you may find it helpful to consider also the spirituality that characterizes your church congregation as a whole. It gives an important message not only to members but also to outsiders who are looking for a church home that will help them experience and express their God-given spirituality.

If all of your worship services are formal and rigidly structured, for example, Shepherders may not feel at home. But if the services include a lot of hugging and spontaneous prayers and testimonies. Lamplighters may be too uncomfortable to keep coming and Mystics may leave in search of the silence they crave. Lack of emphasis on God’s call to work actively for justice in the church and the world can keep Crusaders from seeing your congregation as a place for expressing their spirituality.

Our own spirituality isn’t the standard

If a congregation’s worship services and other activities reflect only one kind of spirituality, it will attract mainly the people whose personal spirituality is that kind. Then because the congregation includes so few Christians whose spirituality is different, the members of the majority can easily get the idea that the others are unspiritual or even unchristian. That can lead to the inappropriate narrowness and harsh attacks that we too often see among Christians, lessening the church’s / ability to be what God calls it to be.

I feel sad when I see Christians discounting and even berating other Chris- tians whose spirituality happens to be different from the spirituality of the ones doing the discounting. I wonder if the Connections readers who saw my recent comments as evidence of not being a real Christian simply have a different kind of spirituality from mine. They may be Shepherders, the spirituality that I’m least able to connect with.

It can be hard to see that others are experiencing God if they claim to experience God’s presence or God’s call in ways quite different from our own and from what we consider to be the experience of most Christians. Maybe one of the most important ways in which God calls us to show love, however, is to acknowledge that God some-times deals with people in ways that we haven’t experienced and may not even consider possible. This way of showing love seems especially important right now, when many of our churches are making crucial decisions about issues on which their members have widely different views.

The circumcised believers ... were astonished that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on the Gentiles...

—Acts 10:45

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

—John 13:34-35

 Different folks and strokes

Basic personality differences, which some researchers believe we're born with, have a big influence on how we react to each other and to what happens around us. Realizing this was a life-changing eye-opener for me, and a recent book has reminded me again of its importance, especially for what we do in our churches. We can’t assume that our own favorite way of worshiping or expressing our beliefs is the only right way.

In Personality Type in Congregations: How to Work with Others More Effectively (Alban Institute, 1998), Lynne M. Baab reminds us how personality differences matter, in church activities and in expressing our faith.

§  Some of us are drawn more to the outer world of people, places, and things, while for others the inner world of ideas, feelings, and reflections has a much stronger pull. This difference means that large church meetings and social events make some of us feel drained but energize others. It means that some churchgoers relish times of sharing and greeting during worship while others dread such times. It means that silence seems essential to some but miserable to others.

§  Some of us mainly see concrete details, and notice and rely on the information that comes from our five senses. Others mainly notice overall patterns, and count more on what comes intuitively in a way that we can’t clearly explain and that can seem hopelessly fuzzy and unreliable to the people who prefer sensing. This means that some of us want lots of detail about day-to-day church operation, while others focus more on purposes and long-range visions and goals.

§  Some of us think that being logical, detached, and objective counts most in decision-making, while others give more weight to the decisions' effects on the people that are involved. This means that some value harmony above all and want to avoid controversy, while others want to analyze and discuss all sides of issues even if strong disagreement exists.

§  Some of us like to decide quickly after getting what seems like enough information, while others prefer to leave the door open for more as long as possible. This means some of us are much more committed than others to deadlines, promptness, schedules, and plans.

Different folks really do need different strokes. 

Why do you pass judgment on your brother or sister? Or you, why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.

—Romans 14:10

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

—1 Corinthians 12:4-7

John said to [Jesus], "Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him, because he was not following us." But Jesus said, "Do not stop him ... Whoever is not against us is for us."

—Mark 9:38-41

WORSHIP – PERSONALITY TYPES

FROM 10-05

Personalities influence worship

Personality differences strongly influence how we picture God, how we recognize God’s presence, and how we respond to God. That means our personality traits influence what kind of worship services we feel the need for. Other characteristics also influence that, and so do our beliefs about what God is like, but personality seems to have a big effect.

In this Connections I’m therefore asking you to look with me at some ways in which our personality traits can affect our worship needs. I’m using the terminology of the Myers-Briggs method, the most-used way of categorizing personality types. It describes personalities in terms of four pairs of characteristics. In each pair, neither trait is better or worse than the other, and we all need to use both of them at times to function most effectively, but we each use one more often and more comfortably than the other.

n  The outer world or the inner world

The first pair of characteristics, represented by the letters E and I, reflects our way of reacting to the world around us. Extraverts focus mainly on the world of people, places, and things and are energized by their contact with it. Introverts focus mainly on the inner world of thoughts and feelings instead. Being in the midst of people and interacting with groups of people requires effort for introverts. They find it more draining than energizing.

For worship, therefore, extraverts want to be with people and touch and speak to each other, and the more people, the better. They’re likely to want lots of sound and activity, too. Celebration is their style, and when they want to express enthusiasm for a part of the service or for what they see God doing, they’re likely to express it with applause and movement.

For many introverts, however, talking with people around them during the service, especially people they don’t know, is uncomfortable and distracting. Being asked to hug or hold hands is a turnoff. And applause, movement, and loud, bouncy music destroy the reverent atmosphere many introverts consider important. They’re more inclined to express their appreciation to musicians or other participants by speaking or writing to them afterwards.

Quiet time for reflection during worship is important for introverts. Their minds are busy during such times, and their pencils may be busy, too, as they reflect by writing. But extraverts tend to think out loud instead, and to them, silence seems like wasted, boring time in which nothing is happening.

An introvert’s worship wishes

As an introvert I wish for generous amounts of time for reflection during worship, upon entering and after the scripture reading and the sermon. I’d like instrumental music during some of these times, but silence during others.

I wish all worshipers would enter silently, and on entering I’d like to get a printed handout with a thought-provoking quote to reflect on. One side would be blank for writing thoughts or questions that come to mind during the service. The handout could also announce church activities and joys and concerns, which I’d rather not have announced orally. Last-minute information could be posted on a board at the entrance.

During worship I don’t want to be asked to greet the people around me, discuss anything with them, or hold hands with them during prayer. I may give a hug or extend a hand to a fellow worshiper, but silently and by my choice.

Wishes that contradict each other

Worship planners obviously have a dilemma here. What many extraverts consider essential is a hindrance for many introverts. Extraverts make up about 75% of the U.S. population, so they’re likely to see what they want as what everyone wants. And if a church can provide only one kind of worship, it understandably will choose what extraverts prefer.

n  The trees or the forest

 The Myers-Briggs system uses N and S to represent a second pair of personality characteristics, which it calls iNtuition (represented by N because I is used for introversion) and Sensing. In receiving information from the world around them, intuitive people see patterns. They notice the layout of the forest more than they notice features of its individual trees. They see in an all-at-once way that they often can’t give specific reasons for, and they’re likely to use metaphorical, symbolic, figurative language to describe what they see.

To the people Myers-Briggs calls sensing types, the conclusions that N people come to often seem baseless, and the language Ns use often seems meaningless. Sensing types focus on details and take in pieces of information one at a time, in order, starting at the beginning. They tend to think in literal language, not in symbols and metaphors. Touches, tastes, smells, and sights speak strongly to them.

The U.S. population is about 75% sensing types and only 25% intuitives. I wonder if this distribution contributes to the fact that so many members of our congregations see most of the words of rituals, creeds, and scripture as literal accounts of historical events.

n  Personal or logical

Myers-Briggs uses F and T to represent Feeling and Thinking, another pair of characteristics that heavily influence much of what happens in churches. F people tend to evaluate things mainly on the basis of how they will affect the individuals involved, while Ts want to be logical and objective. Thinking-type people are more likely to look at how a certain decision or policy will affect the most people, rather than how it will affect the particular people they know and are close to personally.

Fs are strongly influenced by personal stories, but for Ts, what matters more is likely to be whether what they hear is interesting, seems reasonable, and makes them think. To reach the Ts in our midst, many of whom we’re now turning off, we’d probably have to start expressing our message in ways that seem more logical and reasonable to them.

These two traits are equally distributed in the U.S. population, but most churches have many more Fs than Ts. Thus many pastors find that when members say a sermon was especially good, that often means it moved them to tears. What Fs appreciate most in hymns and sermons, however, may seem like mere sentimentality to Ts. And the shortage of Ts in churches means we can easily miss their needed viewpoint.

An NT’s worship wishes

As an N and a T, I find the meanings of words very important, and I see significance in how people use words without realizing what they’re really saying. My ideal service wouldn’t include outdated words like “thee” and “wouldst,” or words that give unrealistic impressions of God, as if God were literally a person and especially a male person. It wouldn’t refer to Jesus as sweet or as best friend. It would speak about Jesus and God in today’s words and in ways consistent with today’s knowledge.

Hearing ideas and beliefs expressed in unexpected words and in a variety of ways makes me think about what’s being said, and for me that’s important for worship, so repetition of the same words in every service hinders worship for me. Although I  know short, repetitive phrases can be lenses through which to see God, my ideal service wouldn’t include rote, dated features like the Gloria Patri, Apostles’ Creed, or Doxology. In fact, it wouldn’t include anything to recite or any sung responses.

In my ideal worship the sermon would be a short thought-provoking talk relating Christian beliefs to a current event or issue. Here’s how a Connections reader described such talks given by a favorite pastor. “He always seemed to be working out something that he himself was pondering about faith or practice or what it means to be human.”

My ideal worship service would be followed immediately by a gathering for discussing questions raised by the service’s content or attenders’ reflections on it, and other faith-related topics. That would be real community for me, the “little church” I long for within the “big church” but rarely find.

n  Open-ended or nailed down

The fourth pair of characteristics Myers-Briggs labels is represented by J and P. J stands for Judging, but it may more accurately be called decision-making. A J person wants to decide and take action, not to keep waiting a long time for more and more information. In contrast, a P—for Perceiving, also a rather misleading label—doesn’t want to close the door too quickly and miss possibilities that haven’t yet been considered. Like F and T, these two traits are about evenly distributed in the U.S.

We need the missing types

If we want to reach people of all personality types and benefit from all the traits that we need and God provides, we must appreciate and pay attention to the views of the types that are under-represented in our churches. Knowing that we have fewer introverts and that they aren’t likely to speak up as much as extraverts, we need to ask about their worship needs. Knowing that we have a disproportionately small number of Ts, in our fear of hurting anyone’s feelings we must be careful not to ignore the need for reason and logic that Ts notice.

The combination of S and J traits creates a temperament strongly oriented to tradition, history, obedience to official authority, and adherence to standard operating procedures. The institutional church emphasizes these features, so a disproportionately large number of people with this temperament are drawn to it. Thus in the church we need to make deliberate efforts to listen also to our members and to outsiders of the other temperaments, which are ­under-­represented in most congregations. We need to hear from the people who recognize and see the implications of trends at work in society. We need to hear from the people who focus more on the future than on the past, and those who see the need for experiment, nonconformity, and change.

It’s important for our churches to hear from people of all personality types and to help them all find suitable opportunities for ministry, real community, and worship. Several nearby churches might join forces to provide the kind of worship services, studies, and discussion groups that people of the less-­plentiful types need.  All types are God’s gifts, so it’s important for us to appreciate, nurture, and welcome them all.

“Yuk!” for me, “Wonderful!” for others

After a worship service during which I’ve felt “Yuk!” and wanted to jump up and object to what I heard, others are often saying, “What a wonderful service!” This tells me that what I’d consider wonderful would leave many others cold or even make them stop coming.

Of the sixteen combinations possible from the four pairs of personality traits that the Myers-Briggs method describes, my combination occurs least, so the kind of worship service I’d find ideal might not appeal to many other people. And few churches can offer more than one or two different kinds, so I’m not likely to find worship services that fit my preferences.

Individualized corporate worship?

How important is that? Worship is giving ourselves, not being nurtured, so in a sense, personal preferences don’t matter. The focus belongs on God, not on us. But in another sense personal characteristics matter a lot, because we can’t give what we don’t have. We can’t give something that’s not our real self.

What’s the solution, then, for those of us for whom many parts of typical worship services are obstacles? Should we simply attend them anyway, to help make them available for the people who find them helpful?

Is it inappropriate to even consider individual preferences for corporate worship? Is it a contradiction in terms, to speak of what one Connections reader referred to as “individualized corporate worship”? If worship is corporate, maybe we shouldn’t expect individual likes and dislikes to be considered. That’s evidently how Christians functioned in earlier times. Have we simply become too picky about worship now, along with wanting six scents and nine colors and three textures to choose from when we buy bath soap? These questions are important to ask in our churches.